What am I doing?

  This will be an awkward first post, oh well. I do not seem to know what exactly will be the content of this blog, I have a vague idea of what to talk about but that requires a tonne of research,  hopefully will get around that.

Any of you wondering, who am I, what am I doing and blah blah of introductory questions, I am probably where I don’t want to be. My life is stagnant, moving at a rapid pace in my mind – making my head swirl with countless thoughts and what ifs but my body keeps moving normally, peacefully with my surroundings trying to maintain the composure.

It’s the fear of being left behind, of not being able to achieve what you want or not being capable enough to be successful or finding the ladder too stricken with thorns to climb that somehow is like a garden full of roses for many. I am not insecure – maybe I wasn’t – not so sure anymore. I think it’s this state of constant confusion, of indecisiveness that has led me here. The looks I receive because I am old enough to not have achieved anything has lead me to care of what people think of me constantly, even while a short and sweet conversation.  I am not determined enough in my ambition to be doing what I want. World seems like a pool of letters in water swirling so brisk that the water rises like a hurricane while I stand dazed trying to make of the words its throwing at me.

I don’t know. I don’t know.